About Me

I stood in the rain tonight, just to feel it pour down on me. I felt alive for a moment and I savored the smell... It refreshed me. And then ruined me.
I... miss long hugs goodbye. And feeling a head lay on my shoulder for comfort and care. I miss her scent. And the way her hand felt in mine.
But... I don't miss her. I still have her, after all. Things are just different. Right, surprisingly. I'm okay. Just nostalgic. I miss it all, but I don't necessarily want it now. Does that make sense? Anyone?
Memory is... a disgustingly powerful and cruel mistress. When did rain stop being just rain? And songs... Songs are the worst and the best! Man... I can't listen to any of the album "Plans" by Deathcab For Cutie anymore without smiling. Or parts of Save Me San Francisco. (Rachel! Deathcab and Train. I recommend those two... haha.) I love the memories of my past, but I guess, I miss them. I long for those feelings again, but when I feel them, it just reminds me that I haven't been feeling them for a long time. If that makes sense.
This is really personal for me, by the way. I'm surprised that I'm writing about it. If you haven't noticed, I'm crazily private. I always have been. So, bear with me here... I'm trying to open up and explain myself.
I've never been in a relationship. I've come close a few times... But it always falls apart somehow. And that's okay. Very okay, in fact. I wouldn't have wanted any of what's happened to have changed.
I also, for the record, don't plan on having any form of a relationship for the next few years. Yes, years. Not until after my mission, when I can really get as serious as I'd like to be. I'm a very serious minded individual... You've noticed, I'm sure.
I guess what I'm trying(and failing) to get at is that the reason I'm glad I've never had a relationship is that I'm in no position to be looking for "the one" or "forever", but it's ultimately where my mind would go. I'm too serious. It's an oddity of me.
And so I write silly little poetry about how I would like to feel about a woman someday--indeed, how I feel that I should feel about the woman that I ultimately marry. Sorry, but it's on my mind a lot. It's how I'm wired.
Anyhow... Don't take me too seriously, any of you that read this. I'm just a silly little hopelessly romantic wanna-be-poet trying to cram my thoughts and feelings into words that I hope aren't trite and unoriginal.
I'm just me. I hope that's okay.
--C.R.E.