19. Tears
I tried to dry them,
But you pulled away
And let them fall and pool
Into what became
Like a river to me.
A river... Salty liquid
Made by the crestfallen.
Crushed hopes, countless fights,
Needless words, and anger—
More anger than I knew
I could possess.
You seemed ride that river
Away from me to a
Far-off mansion filled with
New ideas, new memories,
And a new you—No longer
The weeping waif from before,
But now a powerful, independent,
And composed woman.
My mistake:
I loved that woman the way
Little boys love little girls.
—C.R.E.
I don't know why, but I don't really care for this one. It seems a little forced, like it should have more of a form but it's free. If I figure it out, I'll let you know.
ReplyDeleteThe end to it is nice though.
I agree with Neffy... It's not as good as your other poems. I liked part that said: Crushed hopes, countless fights,/Needless words, and anger—/More anger than I knew/I could possess. But honestly, that's about all I really liked. The beginning is not interesting, and the third stanza is boring in my opinion. The last part is pretty good, but I was already bored by the time I read it. I think you could have come up with a more interesting, better written poem for the topic. That's just what I thought though...
ReplyDeleteDefinitely things to think on. Thanks all. =)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to disagree and say that I really liked the first stanza. There's a lot of imagery to it, I think. I think there can be a lot of emotion pulled from it. The fact that the man is being shut down by the woman, and how much that affects him. For her tears to seem like a river would signify how much gravity her feelings affect him. At least, that's what I get from it. Cody might have not meant any of that, but hey, good accident. ;)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely my intention. Hence "...like a river..." as opposed to them actually becoming a river of tears.
ReplyDelete