Splash...
It covered us then,
The glorious mud.
And we were happy.
But later--much later--
We avoided it as
If it were some
Plague-ridden thing
That sought to sully us
For sullying's sake alone.
What is it that
We do to the
Innocence of youth?
The things we once found
To be all that mattered
Now turn our stomachs
And make us blanch.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
We stood in the rain then
But now hide indoors
As the heavens cry.
Oh that we could return
To those simpler
And kinder times.
Alas...
Here we are:
Adults.
--C.R.E.
This poem is very relatable. That's what I like about it. I think it sounds more like a rough draft than a finished copy though. Some of the word choice is great, but other words could be altered a little bit. There's always a better word to put in place of "things." I love stanzas 2 and 4, but the rest doesn't quite live up to the idea you're trying to convey.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I also feel that it's very rough and agree with most of what you said... however, I don't agree that there is always a better word than "things". At times, such a generalized word is wanted to convey the meaning that the poet is getting at. Remember: Every word has a proper place in poetry.
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