First Time

I stood there uncovered, exposed,
As uncomfortable as if I had been
Naked and you were poring over my
Skin with a magnifying glass--
But I was finally happy.
I had said it. I had let you in
On what my heart had known for oh so long...

I love you.

It was easier to say than I had supposed,
But the words held a hidden weight
That I had not counted on finding...
Water must cry a lot when it freezes--
For when I felt the sensation, I couldn't
Hold back the steady rivulets from my cheeks.
They poured down and pored over my exposed self,
Mocking, judging, condescending, and loathing.

You were silent.

And now... I look back on my first love
With a slightly heavy heart.
I cannot think back on you without some regret--
I gave you my all but you could not promise the same.
I understand, now, but it still hurts to know
That my first bout with love ended in
Utter and complete--complete as the night is
Black and cold--failure...

I see now why we could never be.
Inequality in Love breeds only heartache.

--C.R.E.