In Another Life

I dreamed of us once.
Together forever,
Eternal bliss,
Never to be parted—
Rather it was
Never to be.

But in another life—
Not this one, to be sure—
We'd have been so fitting,
So easy,
So comfortable.
Sharing a mind and heart,
Taking in each moment
Together...
Alas, that's but another life.

You assured me once
That we'd have lit up this world
Had we ever intertwined.
But now, you've gone
Where I cannot follow
And we are more
Separate than ever...
Ever to be separated.

But in another life—
One where we'd a chance to be—
We'd have conquered,
We'd have laughed,
We'd have been the best of friends...
Alas, in this life,
It was never meant to be.

I marveled for years
At the easy way
Words spilt forth from our lips.
I convinced myself
That that was enough—
That closeness breeds Love.
Yet here we are,
Strangers now.

But in another life—
A life where my love was enough—
We'd have everything
In a simple kiss,
Hold our world up
As one...
Yet in this life,
You hold him.

And so I walk this life's road
With searching, piercing eyes.
Seeking not the shades of days past
Nor the half-imagined worlds
Not meant to exist...
No, I seek simple bliss
And something better than
What might be found
In another life.

C.R.E.

Untitled

Is it too early
To be happy you’re alive?
I’m before a grand emotion—
Love has not yet
Touched this meager heart—
And yet you fit so comfortably
Into all that I am,
All that I wish for in life,
And all that I never knew I wanted.
I never guessed that someone so fitting
Was just out of sight for so long.
It’s early yet
To even think on future things,
But is it ever premature
To take joy in knowing
That in a world of so many others...
There is you?

C.R.E.

Bridled

Hey everyone!  It's been a while since I last posted, but here's a little something.  I love one stanza and hate one stanza.  I'll definitely revisit it eventually.  Enjoy and comment!

What beautiful, pernicious passion!

What joy is felt in sure damnation!

And who can cool the fires that blaze

In a mind by lust so hazed?

Love is but a fleeting thought

In moments when our hearts are caught

In the eddies of pleasure's pools--

The restless rest of countless fools.

But in the daylight as we walk

Hand-in-hand, engaged in talk

Of ideas familiar or beyond our ken...

Love is hardly fleeting then.

And so, for Love, a wedge is placed

In passion's heart while hammer braced

Falls one, two, and seven times

Putting end to blind passion's crimes

Bridled and put to proper use

Passion turned from burning fuse

Becoming an entrancing light

Casting warmth and filling sight

With beauteous scenes of life well-done--

A life of Love, of care, of fun.

By holding tight to passion's reigns

Love is sparked and we fan its flames

By acting as we once had done--

Through now-sincere acts of Love.

C.R.E.

Apostate

At the heart of ev'ry rebellion
Lies a poisoned barb of Pride
So corrosive and so corruptive,
That we scarcely note its effect
Until it is everlastingly too late:
We've staggered away from light's warm embrace--
And for what?
Offense?  Contention?
Diverging views?
It's hard, I've noted,
To kick so continuously against the pricks.

It's cold where we've made our new home
And comfort seems fleeting.
But we are, of course, correct--
And we can take comfort in such fact.
Established norm had grown outdated,
Conventions had become tired,
And change, of a certainty, was requisite.
We had changed--should not what we believe change with us?
We cried for it, lusted for it,
And, when it came not and we were called
To repentance...
The barb twisted in just a bit deeper.
We cut our ties,
We sunk our covenants in the river,
And we made our way to other roads
And freer byways.

...But why is it so bleak here?
And where is the Sun that we so long enjoyed?
The land seems pitted, scarred, angry...
And we are unable to put down deep roots.
Must we wander through these mists much longer?
We seem to have lost our way.
We seem to have lost a lot.

But we can't go back to where we've been!
Not after the censure, not after the shame.
We burned our dwellings there to ash
And ignored their entreatings as we
Took up our journey down paths once forbidden us.

We left for peace of mind, for joy.
And we're confident that it will come...

At the heart of ev'ry rebellion
Lies a poisoned barb of Pride
So corrosive and so corruptive,
That we scarcely note its effect
Until we feel that it is everlastingly too late:
We've staggered away from truth's warm embrace--
And for what?

C.R.E.

The Void

Dulled eyes and ringing ears--
Nothing else is real.
Numbness has overruled feeling
And all clarity has hazed
Until the lines that make up my life
Are barely perceptible.
I stare and wonder at the emptiness
Before my eyes as I make
Sad attempts to come to terms
With the emotional vacuum
That I have constructed from the shreds
Of my once-prismatic heart.
Where have I gone?
What is my name now?
How have I changed so,
Fallen so far?
Face-to-face with a hollow shell
And descending rapidly into
A self-made infernal nightmare,
I stare into the void
And the void glowers back at me.
It doesn't beckon--not really--
Nor call with its sirens;
It has no need--I am already
Entrapped by its bleakness,
Enthralled by its austerity,
And enraptured by its emptiness.
And, oh, how I long to leave!
I am pulled both back and forth
And can go nowhere!
How long must I sit and contemplate
Unending nothingness?
Pain, joy, gratitude, anger...
I beg anything but this crushing apathy!
And, slowly, imperceptible at first,
A light glows on the horizon
And the void begins to desperately
Vie again for dominance of my attention.
A flush of color comes to my
Pasty and lifeless face.
Pain and joy twain,
Life and death as one,
And understanding finally achieved,
I leave the void behind
And embark on a new journey that promises
Sorrow and love,
Bitterness and absolution,
Hate and caring...
Life is lived again
And the emptiness that all must face
Finally finds its end in a simple truth:
Without hurt, hollow hearts abound.

C.R.E.

Old Poetry--Catching Up

Well, hello!  It's been a long season since I last posted here and I figure that it's as good a time as any to post a few of the poems that I've written over the past 2 years.  Some were written on my mission and some before, but here they are!  Critique me?

A tattered book gathered dust on a shelf--

An abandoned study of former times

When I was a lad and had great wealth

Of spirit, of world, of body, of mind

I'd read the volume a number of times

And its words had distilled in my being

But as life had enlarged, 'twas set aside

And to its teachings I'd not been cleaving

On finding sad book in such ruined state

I was surprised to find tears in my eyes

Mem'ries rushed that I'd forgotten of late

And my spirit felt both empty and dry

I flipped through its pages, taking courage

When I found saving message still intact

And I hungered with deep desire and urge

For but a singular chance to go back

I spent all day with my torn, tattered friend

And marveled at the things that he taught me--

Error and sin wiped away, made to end--

It was a guide to make one's soul fly free

My pregnant soul could take no more filling

As I sank to my knees, humbly pleading

Help from on high while tears started flowing

And heavy heart began slowly changing

Peace flooded o'er me as I kneeled in prayer

Asking for that which I'd long forgotten

It seemed that the Savior stood with me there

And conceded the grace that I'd gotten

These days, I still have my beat-up old book

Worse for wear now than it had been before

The words contained are the same at first look

But its sweet spirit speaks still volumes more

--C.R.E

I'd offer gold and precious gems

For love engraved on perfect hands

But all He ever asked of men

Was, "Feed my sheep, feed my lambs."

Still, now and then I've wandered blind,

Losing sight of His perfect plan--

Ignoring as His voice reminds

To "Feed His sheep, feed His lambs."

With arms outstretched, He gathers home

A wand'ring flock into His land

And asks that we help do the same
And "Feed His sheep, feed His lambs."

I wondered at the easy way

Forgiveness caused my soul to stand

And I promised there, that very day,

"I'll feed Thy sheep, feed Thy lambs."

--C.R.E.

A mighty tree sprung up just beyond

The window of my humble dwelling

She smelled of springtime and hid my lawn

But I scarcely noted her being

As time went on, I enjoyed her shade

And shelter in days of heavy rain

She became to me a heav'nly glade--

A solace from the world and its pains

I traveled and secured not the tree

Who was left exposed by my leaving

Violent winds came and set the tree free

Hurt, uprooted, and barely breathing

Seeing her plight, a loving young man

Took her up and treated her hurting

Planted anew, he found what I had--

A beautiful tree well-worth loving

Oh my lament at journey's return!

A hole where my tree had been planted?

And but few steps away, I soon learned,

There she stood!  Well-treated and pampered.

My grass had been parched by brill'ant rays

And with no home the birds stopped their song

I walked about in a dizzying daze

As my world felt both empty and wrong

Oh how I would that I'd given more care

To mighty tree who painted my mind
With wealth of mem'ries I'm loath to share

With another soul who I might find

Along life's byways I'll walk until

I touch again those feelings sweet

I felt on those days when I was filled

By her love as I laid at her feet

--C.R.E.

In darker days I found myself
Standing on a haunting hill
Contemplating depths of hell
And pond'ring sin's winter chill

Upon such hill a Man once died--
Or so I'd heard the story told--
They say that He'd been crucified
By wicked men in times of old.

I'd heard it said just as plain
That He had died to make men whole--
Until the men that had Him slain...
He'd suffered it to save their souls.

Reflecting on lackluster past
A phantom shade to eye appeared:
The jaws of hell gaped open fast
And death's drear head t'ward me leered.

The Son of God leapt to my mind
And to my lips His holy name,
"Jesus, I who've lived life blind,
Plead opened eyes and white-washed stains."

All at once dread vision ceased!
The very Heavens seemed to me
To open wide and shed forth peace
And my heart at last was free!

To joyful mind came image of
Glorious God on blazing throne,
Numberless angels singing love,
And Celestial sights--my Heav'nly home!

Oh how my soul longed to sing,
With heart filled near to bursting,
Praises to my God and King
Who granted the light I'd been yearning.

That hill, to me, is haunting no more
And Chirst not simply a story;
A change here was wrought to my very core
And I contemplated Heav'nly Glory.

A Redeemer truly did trod
The pathways of sin's dark designings.
He came to Earth, that Son of God,
To release us from hell's endless pinings.

--C.R.E.

The orchard stretched forth
Our eyes to behold
The sweetest of fruits
On its branches.

The fruit was yet young
Still, many partook
Of the sugar-sweet
Flesh for granted.

But sober young men
With future in mind
Worked with love and care
Through the season.

Abstaining themselves
From semi-sweet fruit--
Happy and fulfilled
For this reason.

They kept well their trees
Awaiting the day
Of ripe fruit prepared
For the eating.

When harvest arrived
They reaped their reward
And ate of the fruit
Of their keeping.

They spoiled their stomachs--
That first group that ate--
With semi-sweet flesh
Not yet ready.

And passed on the joy
Of well-prepared fruit
Caught up in young hearts'
Lustful eddies.

Our lesson is learned:
From semi-sweet, turn!
And enjoy mature fruit in its season.

--C.R.E.

You painted my face with a smile
And swelled fat my hungering soul
With sugary words told in guile
While your presence made me feel whole.

But you're gone now and I am so empty.
You left and I feel incomplete.
I grasp at dead mem'ries left gently
By your parting with sorrow so sweet.

On you I relied far too heav'ly--
I see that now, with sharp pain.
Leaving me brought forth the clar'ty
That my time had been wasted in vain.

I saw you sometime later
Happier than I'd ever seen...
In his arms you truly were better,
In his eyes you flourished a Queen.

I lament the death of our loving
And I still wish for you, at times.
But I know you've grown past my longing
For when with him, your face shines.

Our love was young and untested,
Unable to take storms of life.
It broke me until I was bested
By the man who took you to wife.

I cannot blame either lover;
I'm growing past such pettiness...
But it's hard, at times, to grow older
As my mind dwells on mem'ries of us.

--C.R.E.

Oh say, what is love?

Is it some serendipitous step

Into the heart of another?

Or simply a fulness of joy

When hand meets hand?

Then tell, why the tears?

Was I not gentle, not kind?

Did I not beg the world for you?

Alas, you received it not

And I wept pregnant cries.

Pray, whose are you now?

Or might you belong to none?

Were I to entreat in sweetest words

Would you return to my view?

Or could it be that all is lost?

--C.R.E.

She had a way about her--

A set of mannerisms,

A scent, a gleam

Of furiously blazing

Fire in her soul.

She spoke of things

With words I'd

Never realized

And a passion more tangible

Than her acorn hair.

Her eyes belied some deeper

Pain--

Scarcely hidden by

Her glorious smile

And framed brilliantly

By her insecurities.

I loved her truly--

Then and now--

But never found a way

To keep her in sight.

Brown-eyed angel,

Dearest friend,

Beautiful love...

I hope to find you again.

--C.R.E.

Speak no more mindless flattery

To a soul who never bought it.

Tell no more of my brilliance,

Which, in truth, is as the stars far-off.

Your words were always empty--

But I hungered for them.

Indeed, at times, I was a planet

And you my Sun--only vaguely aware

Of my orbit while I would not

Have had a purpose without you.

Your tongue help only compliments

That I never believed, but lived for...

Because they were born in you.

But now, speak truth to me!

Gone are the lies of your "love".

Angel...  What do you truly believe?

Tell not that it all rang true--

I'm not quite that simple--

When, shortly, you were his.

Don't say that you still treasure

The times we spent hand in hand...

For I do and see none of

What I feel in your eyes or smile.

What was it to you?  Mere fancy?

A game of sorts or a way to pass time?

To me it was life and joy.

And now, though only shadows remain

And the words were so empty...

They're all I have of us.

--C.R.E.

He Chose The Nails

He came to Earth to bring me back
And let Himself fall under attack
For His love of lowly men
Who don't understand--not now, nor then.

He chose the nails that hung him there
To reconcile my sin's despair
And took on Him a crown of thorns
To shore me up 'gainst coming storms.

He chose the nails that pierced His skin
And beckoned me to come with Him;
For as He died on Calvary,
He returned my wayward soul to me.

He broke the bands unbreakable
To show with love unshakable
That one day I may too return
To that sweet place for which I yearn.

C.R.E.

You

It seems my eyes are full of scenes
That haven't yet come around.
I dream of a life with you--
Living in the past and future,
But rarely in the moment.

Do you think of us at all?
Do you know that all I do revolves around you?
And would you care if you did?

No matter. I'll live and love
As though it made a difference.
Because, honestly, to do anything else
Would drive me inexorably closer
To the insanity of supposed truth.

C.R.E.

Flight

Warm and full is
Her voice, her call.
Pulling in breath becomes a chore
As she calls to me.

A tenuous, failing grasp
Is my hold to this plane.
Life and death twain,
Pain and joy held in opposite hands.

Take up my spirit
Into thy loving arms
And I'll leave this vessel
With yours to hold our place.

And finally, respite.
Peace of soul--of spirit, of body.
Rest with you in a place
Defying logic and poet's words.

C.R.E.

Song of Wasted Longing

I never was
What she
Needed,
Wanted,
Idealized, or
Loved.
And yet,
She cared for me
As a flower does
Its petals
And stem.
Never realizing the
Difference between
Care and
Love,
I loved her
As a drone
Loves a Queen--
But was availed
Nothing
When she met
A King.

C.R.E.

Us

A thousand eyes,
Spending a thousand days
Staring, critiquing, and tearing
Into my very soul,
Will not see in me
What you'll claim to
With naught more than a glance.

Countless points of dappled light
Will make up the sky above us--
But will blur as I gaze upon
Your seraphic face
Until I cannot distinguish
Where heaven ends
And you begin.

Truly, truly,
This saccharine dream
Will one day peter out
Into something simply
Beyond imagination--
Though to me it still will be
Something ethereal everyday.

Wherever you be,
Whomever you are,
And whatever life you live,
I long for you and the life we'll lead.

C.R.E.

Free

There wasn't any moonlight,
Angels in chorus, or
A brightly burning sky
When your eyes met mine
For the first time, my dear.
I saw fear. And pain long-buried.
I heard gulls cry in a different way
That selfsame day.
No longer did they seem so free,
So light.
Before, they seemed happy
As they floated on currents
Above the foamy sea.
Then, they soared on broken wings,
Calling to others who have lost, have hurt.
Never leaving their bays for fear.
I took you into my heart,
A broken gull,
And nursed you until whole once more.
And here you are still--not trapped, unafraid.
A gull who can leave when she likes,
But chooses simply to stay and stay.

--C.R.E.

One Who Atones

It went from every pore
And washed me cleaner than
The wellspring from before
That also came from Him

The Master's blood was spilt for me
On that dreary April day
So that I would become free
And walk the path His way

I know not where or when I found
My Father and my Brother's Love
But know with a knowledge profound
It had always existed above

It went from every pore
And washed me cleaner than
The wellspring from before
That also came from Him

--C.R.E.

This one needs work. Well, they all do. I'm just pointing it out on this one.

Mirror

A reflective pane tells me nothing
Of the workings of my heart, mind, or soul.
It casts some truth on outer being,
But tells relatively little of the whole.

Who, mirror, am I?
What have I become?
I should act! Should go! But still
In wrenching repose I lie
So utterly undone.

I stare with wonder and despair
Back at myself through treated glass
And wonder if I'll ever dare
To take a step--not simply pass.

A reflective pane brings only pain
As I bear my inaction's shame.

--C.R.E.

A Personal Blog

Here's the address of my personal blog... I felt that I needed to make it.

http://dreamingmywaythrough.blogspot.com/

Follow me?

A Hero

Innumerable faces stare blankly
From the walls of my enemies' heights.
They mock, deriding me, crying,
"Turn away all thoughts of passing here!
Take a few steps back and marvel at our power
Instead of trusting in your own obvious frailty.
Leave, hero! And grace not our eyes
With you and yours ever again."

With the selfsame confidence,
I speak no words and stare right back.
I turn away from the horde,
Leading my steed down a well-used trail
And speaking calming words to him.
Soon, we turn back and tilt at our enemies
Lance tipped with hope, light, and necessity.

This hero fells them all,
Happily instructing his foes on the power
Of one man upheld by a nation.

--C.R.E.

So Many Ways

With you, I've found
So many ways to end up happy
And even more to fall along the way.

Foolish plans aside,
I long for you--
A future you. Us.

Oh that I could
Know your heart.
Where, love, do we stand?

Once you were mine,
Eyes shining bright,
A glow about your face.

And now... Nothing.
Is it wrong to hope for
A future where I didn't die trying?

--C.R.E.

Tainted

The dark and heavy night seemed to mock me
From the moment I took taint to soul.
And no longer could I fly to you free
For hope was the sun and I black as coal.
Deadly choices led me away from you
And there I stayed to build my life anew.

--C.R.E.

Laughing Man With Damaged Soul

The laughing man with damaged soul
Walked past me on a broken road
And in my youthful curios'ty
I asked him how he came to be
Upon the road where I found myself
Cold and alone, bereft of health
And on the verge of ending all
Grin gone, he said, "Heed my call,
Do not stay long upon this way
For soon enough there'll come a day
When someone will come into life
For whom you'll gladly put forth the strife
Of living, enduring, and hoping for--
But stay here and you'll end life poor.
Son," he went on, "make not my mistakes.
I threw her away for a life of fakes,
The smile my face wears is gilded and numb
And would I that my laugh could stay dumb,
My soul wants to cry while my face is alight
With memories of past times burning bright.
Leave now and live! I implore you to go!
Do not waste time in getting your show
Back on the road and living again
It gets harder to leave the more time you spend."
With that, he was gone, that shade of a man
Who showed me the way to wholeness again.
I left that day, that dangerous road
Where I met the laughing man with damaged soul.

--C.R.E.

Sunshine

They met upon a foggy day,
Encircled 'bout with mist,
And marveled at the easy way
Words spilled forth from their lips.

And so started a happy life
With smiles all around
And when the two became man and wife
Sunshine did abound.

--C.R.E.